Foreign Tongues + Smelly Sheets = The Worst Make Out Session EVER

When we met back up Mr. Blue Eyed Boy informed me that he had to run an errand for work and wouldn’t be able to go to the show. “But it’s ok, you can go and I will meet you after and we’ll go eat something.”

I was a little disappointed but I wasn’t going to miss seeing the dervishes for anything. At the show I sat by myself, accompanied by a glass of wine and watched. I didn’t let the fact that I was surrounded by tourists or that this was a watered-down tourist version of a real sema bother me. I zoned them all out and absorbed what was happening before me. I was so moved by the beauty of the whirling and the looks of ecstasy on the dervishes’ faces that I started shedding tears. It was a totally beautiful, spiritually moving experience.

After the show, I walked back to meet him and found he bought me a chicken sandwich. I realize I neglected to tell him that I’m a vegetarian. Again, I didn’t really want to eat meat, but I was starving and didn’t want to offend his nice gesture. So, I hesitantly took a bite and tasted something off. Um, something doesn’t taste right, I thought. I thought maybe it was me since I don’t really eat chicken and that the chicken here probably tastes more like real chicken should than it did in the U.S. and since I wasn’t used to the taste…yada yada.  So I took another bite.

Yeah, something definitely doesn’t taste right. I stopped chewing it and just swallowed. I opened the sandwich and inside some of the chicken was raw. I mean pink status raw. I had to hold back the nausea.

“I’m really sorry, but I can’t eat this,” I said to him. I explained the situation.

“No problem at all! I’m sorry.” (Very kind.) “But, don’t throw it out, let’s give it to the cats,” he said. (Extra Points!) Now I liked him even more.  He asked if I wanted to go have a beer. I wasn’t sure about drinking more since now I had nothing in my stomach, but I didn’t want to leave him either, so I said yes.

We stopped in a corner store where he purchased two bottles of Efes beer. Okay… I thought we were going to a bar or something. Where are we going?

We ended up at his apartment, sitting in his living room watching TV in Turkish. Since I don’t understand Turkish I was getting quite bored and was starving (again!), so I was only nursing my beer.

Finally, he turned to me and said, “Come to my room, I want to show you some pictures.” I followed him to his room and as soon as I sat down on his bed to look at the pictures, a sour aroma rose from the bed into the air. It smelled like months worth of sweat and hot body odor, like the sheets hadn’t been washed in a long-ass-while.

It was a shock and assault on my nostrils, but I said nothing because really what could one say?

Since I now lost my hard-on, I figured after he showed me the pictures I would cut out of there and that would be it. But then he leaned over and kissed me.

It was absolutely horrible!

He was so rough, his beard scraped my face AND he stuck his entire tongue all the way into my mouth, hitting my teeth as he progressed.

My immediate thoughts were A) “Who the hell taught you how to kiss??” and B) “Are Turkish women into this shit?!?”

I tried to work with him to show him how to kiss, but it wasn’t working at all. We had absolutely no rhythm.

In between raping my face and trying to lick my tonsils, he was saying very sweet things like, “I could kiss you forever!” While normally that is a very sweet thing to say, in this situation all I could do was silently pray, “Please, God. NO!!!”

It really had me in a weird place because I really did like him and didn’t know how to handle this. I didn’t know how to say something; I guess I just should have.

After about twenty minutes of my face being scraped, sucked and abused, I told him that I had to go. “But it’s too late to walk you back now, you have to stay here tonight,” he said. Here’s where I start to get aggravated.

I was dehydrated, starving and was NOT planning on staying at some strange guy’s house for the night. He could see my attitude switch and my apprehension to what he said. He tried to smooth over the situation by saying, “Don’t worry, I won’t try anything.” Um, yeah right!

It was after 1:00 AM and I didn’t want to take the half hour walk back to the guesthouse this late by myself so I tried to make the best of it. At this point I just wanted to go to sleep, so we settled in under the covers. When he pulled down his three layers of heavy winter blankets over us, the smell rose like an invisible mist and blanketed my entire being. I felt like I was entombed in a sarcophagus of someone else’s sweat.

I finally ended up falling asleep for two hours and was rudely awakened when, during the night as he was spooning me, he turned away from me to lay on his back. As he turned, I felt HIS sweat drip in two drops down my back.

Yeah, time to go.

When I turned my head around to him to wake him up and tell him, I didn’t realize he was laying with his right arm up around his head and so I was greeted by a big waft of pure non-deodorant-glandular-armpit stench straight to the nose.

I need to get the FUCK out of here! I was desperate. I woke him up by poking him in the arm, and keeping my face turned away from him. “Good morning!” he said, cheerfully and tried to pull me close to him to cuddle.

“I have to go,” I told him. He asked if I was “running away from him” and while I should have been honest and said, “You got that right!” I was polite and said that my contacts were very dry and that I couldn’t see (which by the way, was not a lie). I had no drops with me as I wasn’t planning on staying over anywhere.

I told him I’d see him later and bounced.

I needed time to process.


  • Tai June 20, 2017 at 7:20 pm

    Hello Indie,
    Omg this was so fun to read! It sounds like it a bad experience but you make it funny the way you write things 🙂 Please keep writing more things like this!

    • Indie Chick June 21, 2017 at 2:03 pm

      Hi Tai,
      Haha I’m really glad you enjoyed reading it! It was horrible, but funny in retrospect 😛 And yes, there will be more things like this, I will never not keep it real 😉 lol


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